


Change

by Kika988



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Regeneration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 05:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/808089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kika988/pseuds/Kika988
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because even if she wasn’t here, wasn’t his, he still held a place in his hearts for her – a big place, an empty, an aching place, but it was hers, and nothing could take that away from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change

“Doctor?” Rose was a warm presence against his side, her fingers tangled loosely with his. They were lying on their backs on an unnamed planet, one yet to be discovered by anyone other than them, watching the soft green of the largest sun setting. 

“Hmm?” His hand moved slightly in hers, an encouragement to continue. 

“When you change faces – regenerate – you keep all of your memories, right?”

“Yep,” he responded, the ‘p’ popping crisply from his lips in a manner he’d found he enjoyed in this incarnation. “I’m disoriented at first, you saw that much, but I always remember everything soon enough.” She hesitated, just long enough for the pause to register before she spoke. 

“So, if you recall your memories, do you keep the same feelings, too? Like… you used to hate pistachio ice cream, and now you love it – can the same thing happen with your feelings about people?” The Doctor frowned as he considered his answer. 

“I suppose my perception of a person changes, so that can make my feelings about them change. In all honesty, no one has ever stuck around long enough for it to present much of a problem.” 

“I did,” Rose protested, affronted. 

“Yeah, you did, didn’t you?” the Doctor agreed, turning his head to beam at her. When she didn’t smile back, not a real smile, his dimmed a bit. “So, are you just curious, or…” Rose pursed her lips and raised their joined hands, staring at them for a long moment before answering. 

“I just can’t help but wonder… what if something happens, and you have to regenerate again? You could turn into someone who has no use for me, and he’ll just jet me back to Earth as fast as he can.” The Doctor scoffed. 

“Oh, Rose, Rose, Rose,” he said, drawing out the name, liking how it sounded on his lips more than he’d ever admit. “I could never not want you around, no matter who I turned into.” 

There. That was the smile he wanted from her. That was all he needed, even if he knew that he was lying. He could remember past selves who would not have got on with Rose at all. The possibility terrified him, but he figured he was worried enough for the both of them – no reason for her to be concerned, too. 

Later, much later, after losing her, gaining her, losing her again; after losing others he’d come to care for even after swearing he wouldn’t care, not after her; after months of torture, after thinking he had escaped his impending death only to bring it upon himself… he was done. 

Well, almost. He’d said his goodbyes, such as they were, doing what he could to help those he cared about lead long and happy lives. The one he wanted the most, though, he couldn’t see – not when she would know him, anyway. He shouldn’t see her at all, not really. It was dangerously close to crossing his own timeline, but here, at his death, he reserved the right to be a little selfish. 

Seeing her face, that smile (even if it wasn’t his smile yet, and that tore at his heart), hearing her voice… it made things harder. He should have known that it would. Because even if she wasn’t here, wasn’t his, he still held a place in his hearts for her – a big place, an empty, an aching place, but it was hers, and nothing could take that away from him. 

Nothing but this. 

He could live without her, knowing she was safe, knowing she was loved – but the thought of living with the possibility that his new self might not love her made this regeneration the hardest thing he had ever done. His own death he could deal with.

“I don’t want to go…” The death of his love for Rose, ceasing to be the Doctor that she loved – that was another matter entirely.

**Author's Note:**

> *cringe* Sorry, that hurt. All feedback is loved and appreciated! See my tumbr at feathers-n-freckles.tumblr.com to see what I'm writing first and drop me prompts!


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